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Waiting to Exhale

Now I don’t believe I ever actually saw that movie, or if I did I certainly don’t remember it.   In any case, I like the title because it works well as a title for this post.

This past year I discovered blogs, in regards to reading them and discovering that there are quite a lot out there on every topic possible.  Then recently I decided to start my own blog.  It’s taken me a while to figure out which direction I wanted to go, how I could make my different from all the others out there so it could stand out.  But then I realized that would be impossible, so I made the leap.  It seems to be a trend with me that whenever I discover something new and exciting, I want to be the very best at it… hahah I know, perfectionist much? Whether its wanting to a pro cyclist, professional dancer, famous blogger, top chef or professional marathoner….. I’ve envisioned it all.

So with the start of my blog, I have come across quite a few other blogs which I have grasped onto and become loyal readers to.  I discovered a new one the other day and it stood out to me because of one particular blog entry.  Over on Peace.Love.Nutrition there was an entry titled “I keep on waiting…” which when I read it, it felt as if I was reading my own thoughts but online and on some other persons blog!  She was talking about how she feels like she keeps waiting for something big to happen that will start her life.  I feel exactly the same.  I constantly am wondering when I am going to get a job, when I will meet that special someone who will become my plus one forever, when will I finally have an actual income and be  able to start paying off all of my overdue bills and student loans.  When, when, when…

I frequently have conversations with myself – yes I talk to myself and so do you, don’t pretend that you don’t Lol.  And recently I have been thinking about how all I want to do is just pack up all of my things and just drive.  I want to drive out to California so I can start living my life!!!!! But it all circles back around to never having enough money to do anything!! I keep trying to find a job so that I can start actually saving instead of having to put every last cent that I earn towards grocery’s or bills.  So recently I was again having this same thinking/talking conversation in my head and I stopped myself and said “Erin,  this is my life…. right now, yes it is not the ideal situation at the moment but everything is impermanent… this is only temporary.”  Wow I’m like Yoda!!  In any case, I know the situation I am in is not going to last forever, but it is so hard to keep thinking positive at a time like this.  I have dueling swords going back and forth in my head.   So I keep telling myself to…..

If I keep focusing on what I don’t have and wondering what the future holds I am missing what is happening right now.  I don’t want to be 50 years old and think back on my 20’s and wonder where that time went, and wonder “did I even enjoy that decade? what did I do?”

I still am struggling with all of this, because while on one hand it would be so lovely to simply forget all of the realities and just say “everything is going to be fine!!!” On the other hand I need to hold onto those realities, as much as I don’t want to, its the mature thing to do.

A few things that I am implementing into my life these days to help me through this difficult time, to help keep me going are: Running, experimenting in the kitchen with new recipes, blogging, and making inspiration boards.  I’ll do a whole post on my inspiration boards so stay tuned!! 🙂

Until then, I’m just going to keep telling myself that:

Oh and…..

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About Erin Brown

I am vivacious, full of spirit and drive and like to dip my toes into everything to at the very least be able to say "I've done that". I live my life to the fullest and have a major passion for health, fitness and nutrition as well as helping others to achieve their goals in health. So read on to get your health fix!

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