Ok, so I had a different blog to post today but after this evenings events I had to get this off my chest.
I HATE JOB HUNTING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh my god!! So I had an interview this evening at 7:00pm (yes odd time I know). So I took off from my nanny job early so that I could give myself plenty of time to find the place and get lost, since I am the queen of getting myself totally and completely lost, I now plan for these things. So after 45 minutes of traffic I found the place with 10 minutes to spare!! I go to the door and…… wait why is the door locked?? So I knock, then call the number…. no answer, to the door or phone. I look around, all but two cars in the parking lot, its dark, I have no idea where I am really. So I call again, no answer. I call again then finally an answer, its the receptionist that had her calls forwarded to her cell phone. She seems surprised that I am calling and saying I have an interview. She kind of fumbles a bit and then says “umm let me call …. (still not sure of the womans name) and I’ll call your right back” So I say ok hesitantly. She calls me back and says “she had an emergency and completely forgot in the midst of it all, she apologizes and will call you tomorrow to reschedule, and I apologize for her as well” I’m thinking yea…. ok thanks, so I missed 3 hours of work where I could have been getting paid which i really need to drive all the way out here for nothing?? do i really wanna play this game again???
So I drive home…. and on the way I see these two signs
Ok so not those exact signs since I didn’t take a picture (dangerous!) but still one said alexandria the other said baltimore/richmond. I actually had a split moment where I thought to myself… “why can’t i just take off towards new york and just go!” Oh how close I was to doing it, but then remembered that I have my baby at home (daisy) and I’m way too much of a planner to ever just take off. I’d need clothes, daisy, toiletries, pillow, blankets etc….
But I am so unbelievably TIRED of this whole run around of endless job hunting and getting NOTHING! I mean seriously, I had a thought today, and honestly I have been looking for a job constantly for the past 3 1/2 years!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Granted the past few months have been more of a serious look since I now have my degree. But still, to have to constantly drag myself out of bed and try to pep myself up each and every day to stay positive is beyond exhausting. Not only exhausting but it is doing a serious number on my esteem and mind/body. The amount of stress that has been building on me is beginning to really take a toll. I have had a non stop headache for the past week, my left shoulder and side of my neck has been cramped up which also is giving me headaches. The bags under my eyes are getting darker and darker, my hair is falling out in clumps, and I am now having daily breakdowns. Like, the kind of breakdowns where I am literally on the floor bawling my eyes out and its like pulling teeth to get myself dressed and get out the door.
Yes this is not the most uplifting post, but its honest and truthful and I want to show people out there who may possibly be reading this post that no, life is not all sunshine and roses 100% of the time. I get so annoyed when I read blogs where people sound so upbeat and cheery and happy ALL the time!!! I mean thats great for them but it starts making me feel like “why can’t my life be like that?” I guess thats also just that side of me that always has to compare myself to others…. I’m workin on that one, but it takes time.
Anyway, so that was my lovely evening…. I’ve got my $4 wine from trader joes and it’s pretty darn good!! gotta love TJ’s 🙂
Tomorrow I plan to get up, drive over to Roosevelt Island and go for a nice run around the island and then down the Mt. Vernon Trail which has a gorgeous view of the DC skyline and river.